What to Expect the First Year

Today was a hard day for us here in the Rawlinson household. Portia didn't sleep well at all last night, and woke up very early this morning, about 15 minutes before Brandon's alarm went off for school. He graciously took Portia to the living room so I could get a few more minutes of sleep, but came to wake me up as he left. Here's were the real trouble started. I didn't wake up. Wednesday is early morning mowing day for the maintenace crew, and I didn't hear him over the roar of lawn mowers, weed eaters, and leaf blowers outside. Portia was playing contently as he left, and he thought I was on my way out to play with her. An hour later, when the mowing ended, I was jerked out of sleep to the sound of screaming in the other room. Portia was all alone and not happy about it. The rest of the day has been along the same lines. Portia is exhausted, but won't sleep for fear of being put down by herself. It is 11:0, and I haven't eaten dinner yet, I haven't even had the chance to go pee in hours. The house is filthy because Portia hasn't let me clean it, and Brandon is off studying for a big test tomorrow. Definitely a hard day. But amidst all the fussing and wails, I have yet to feel regret for the choice we made to start a family.

I have the opportunity to spend time with several young moms at my school, and it is interesting to listen to them talk about their kids. Usually they mention them in congruence with complaints. Their tones are rich with comtempt, and sometimes even disgust, as they blame their children for extra pounds, lack of sleep, and a diminishing social life (as it turns out, binge-drinking and clubbing is a little difficult with a 2 year old at home). I marvel that they can overlook all the innocence and wonder in their children and ignore the pure joy that easily comes with spending time with them.

I am grateful that I belong to a church that teaches the importance of families. The countless General Conference talks, Relief Society lessons, and examples from leaders and fellow members of the church have taught me from childhood that being a mother is the most rewarding and important job I could ever hold. I firmly believe that my purpose on this earth is to raise my children to follow in the footsteps of Christ.

So as I sit here, hungry and tired, typing one-handed and balancing an angry 5-month old in my lap, I am happy and I feel overwhelmingly blessed.