my proudest moment

Guys, I am going to tell you the story of one of the times I was most proud of myself.

I like to think I'm kinda funny. I tend to rely on humor in awkward situations and when I'm nervous, and I love making people laugh. I think most of the time my jokes are pretty lame, but every once in a while, I come up with a doozy.

This happened a few years, while I was pregnant with Portia. I was in hair school at the time, along with several other pregnant girls. Now, the way my school worked, there was a new class of students that started every month, usually about 6 or 7 people. Inevitably, in every class, there is at least one 17 year old girl who just graduated high school. Wide-eyed and slightly terrified about the amount of crazy-looking people in hair school, probably wondering what she got herself into, she is fun to mess with.
Every Tuesday were "Don Days," Which means that we would all gather in a room and listen to the owner, Don, drone on for hours about how to seduce our male clients and that we all needed to work out more. Thrilling.
I remember one particular Don Day, when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, therefore huge. I took my usual spot in the back (so I could sleep unnoticed) and hunkered down for 2 hours of nonsense, when the new class of future hairstylists filed in.
 There she was. The small and scared 17 year old girl. She sat next to me, leaning back in my chair, giant belly on display. We made a little small talk and she started to loosen up a bit. Just then, Portia did her infamous triple back handspring across my stomach.
For those of you who have never been prego and may not be aware, as your baby gets bigger and the extra space in your body gets smaller, you can start to see your baby moving from the outside. And as huge as I get, every tiny kick from my babies is viewed.
Like I said, Portia started her floor routine just as the girl next to me glanced at my belly. She jumped and gasped, horrified that she was witnessing this.

Here it is. My best joke ever.

I leaned closer to her and said in a low, and slightly creepy voice, "Have you ever seen Alien?" She nodded, and then as the implication set in, gasped again, and looked like she was going to barf.

Guys, I want you to take a moment and visualize this moment. It was hilarious.
Are you visualizing?
Good.

Take as long as you need to laugh your head off.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is my proudest moment.